...but there are some good news too.

"Но есть и хорошие новости" is a phrase that has become something of a meme in the Russian segment of the internet. Translated roughly as "but there are some good news too", in this day and age it usually prefaces some mildly good news, like if someone got a 9-year prison sentence instead of the expected 12. This is how I feel about everything right now: the horrors are simply too numerous, but if we have to talk about the good things, I guess some of those still happened. I’ll try to focus on those, but I still have to talk a bit about the bad things first.

On a personal scale, the worst thing that happened to me in 2024 was my father’s death. It wasn’t unexpected, I was as ready for it as one can be ready for such things, but losing a parent is hard at any age and in any circumstances. The grief set off my anxiety in some new and unexpected ways (I’m fine now, pretty much, so don’t worry!), but there was a silver lining too: I reevaluated some things in my life and my “nothing matters so I might just as well rot in my apartment all day” became “nothing matters so I might just as well do something with myself while I wait for the inevitable end”. I’ll be honest: I don’t think there’s anything good in store for us humans and I’m rapidly losing the last shreds of hope I’ve been holding onto for the last three years. But… I guess there are some good news too. The doomerism part of the page ends here, now on to talking about the good parts of 2024!

rock climbing

One of my ~goals~ for 2024 was to focus on my health. Well, I didn't exactly do that *nervous laughter* BUT I did a thing that had been a long time coming: I started exercising semi-regularly. This is huge for me, and I mean HUGE! Forming habits and sticking to them, especially where there’s no immediate reward, has always been a massive struggle for my neurodivergent brain, and the fact that I didn't even *like* exercising made it pretty much impossible to find any motivation to do it. I knew I *had* to exercise because of my bad back, but I still couldn't find it in me to stick to a routine. #classic

Coming to the point I'm at now took a long time. First, I finally realized I really hated how weak my body was and how much pain I was sometimes in because of my general lack of movement. Then it was a matter of finding something that would work for me. I'd tried a lot of things over the years that were complete fails, from gym to yoga to running, but I've never really tried anything "unconventional". Finally, I came across someone's instagram post where they mentioned that they were able to stick to rock climbing despite their own struggles with routine. I then found out via a quick Google search that there was a rock climbing gym near me and booked a starter session (I even called them! On the phone! I was so brave.). Since then, I’ve been pretty consistent with my trips there, if you don’t count two month-long breaks I had to take.

Here are some things I've learned along the way:

• Rock climbing is a great sport if you’re the kind of person who hates feeling like you’re working out (I definitely do – I guess it’s PDA?). I mean, it definitely IS a sport and the pain I feel after the sessions is very real, but in the moment it feels more like I'm in a video game or in that scene in Mulan where she climbs up the post to get the arrow. It’s the opposite of boring and feels very different to regular gym or workouts; it actually feels FUN, at least to me.
• That feeling of fun was a game changer for me because I’ve always thought the dopamine release after working out was something I just can’t experience. It turns out I can, though! I just have to enjoy the process instead of suffering through it, I guess! Who knew?
• Speaking of showstopping, amazing, never heard before discoveries, I found out it’s hard to go back to exercising after taking a break. Yeah, I know this is very much a known fact, but I was still appalled to find that out lol. I started with weekly visits, but realized after a while that it was not enough. Now I try to go twice a week and I’ve made so much progress! And it’s less difficult to get to my previous skill level after extended breaks, too. In short, I managed to stick with this thing for long enough to see actual progress and now that’s the reason I keep doing it. If anyone told me a few years ago I’d be exercising willingly, I’d just laugh at them. I’ve genuinely come so far. My main takeaway from this is that there are things that you just have to discover at your own pace and in your own time, no matter how obvious those things may be to others.
• In an actually unexpected turn of events, going to the climbing gym regularly helps me do the thing many NDs struggle with (including myself), which is showering. Also cutting my nails! I have sensory issues around the process, which is why I often put it off, but now I simply have no option to do that. Holding on to grips when your nails are a little bit too long is so much worse than cutting nails.

Here's the only ~gym selfie~ I have! Posting it here for no reason other than to show off this shirt I thrifted: it has a BMW logo and says "Beer. Motorcycles. Women." I like two of those things (not a fan of motorcycles), so I feel like I'm qualified to wear it. Might be the best shirt I own, actually.

acting

My city has a lot of small independent theaters, many of which also offer acting courses. Once upon a time when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth (in 2019), I took one of them at my therapist’s advice. It was a great experience and I planned to take an advanced course there later, but COVID had other plans. In 2024 I started seriously considering giving it another try. My father’s death was one of the catalysts (remember the reevaluations I made?) for me to decide to go back and try to form new connections to people. I am back there now and I’m having a lovely time! We’re having a recital soon where I’ll be performing a monologue from The Night of the Iguana by Tennessee Williams, and in a few months we’re supposed to put together an actual performance – still unsure which play it’ll be, though. I discovered I loved being on stage once I got over the crippling stage fright, so I’m really looking forward to being back there. Fingers crossed everything goes well!

P.S. Another lovely thing that happened is that people who work at the theatre and whom I was friendly with before the pandemic actually remembered me and were excited to see me back! Despite me dropping off the face of the Earth for 4 years! I genuinely didn’t expect it and was sure they wouldn’t even remember me. Can I really make a lasting impression on people the way they make one on me? *gasp* Am I really a Human Being capable of being perceived? What a concept. Much to think about.

reading

2024 was a pretty good reading year for me! I read more than 60 books – I say “more than” because I didn’t log some of them and the final number is probably somewhere between 60 and 70. I don’t care much about the number itself, but it’s a sign that I’m finally back in my reading groove after several years of burnout! I’m finally able to concentrate on a book and read for fun again! Yay!

I read a variety of books of different genres. I started the year off with Silent Night by R.L.Stine, which continued my exploration of the Fear Street books I never read growing up. Then I reread quite a lot of my childhood books, particularly the Charmed tie-in novels I’ve had since I was about 10. My original plan was to keep the ones I used to love most and unhaul the rest. Well, since I started watching horror booktube and particularly CriminOlly, who champions old mass market paperbacks, I started seeing the value in these books. So nope, not unhauling any of those anymore! They are such great nostalgic fun, and I don’t want to part with them.

Horror and romance were two of the most prominent genres of 2024 for me. I read some Grady Hendrix, some Darcy Coates, A LOT of Goosebumps and Fear Street/Point Horror books. As for the romance, I used Smart Bitches, Trashy Books every time I needed a recommendation. An unexpectedly fun read was A Bid for Love by Carol Finch, for example – a romance book from the 90s I’d never even think of reading if it wasn’t for that site. A more modern rec would be Role Playing by Cathy Yardley – a m/f romance with queer themes. Both of those books are about older couples because I simply don’t care about young people.

Other bookish highlights include meeting one (1) Russian author, being in the Bookbug book club (even though I should be kicked out in all fairness because the last time I read a book they picked was in May 2024) and adopting the Read What You Own Challenge.

Here are the best books I read in 2024:

Best book overall: Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk; Cadavers (Кадавры) by Alexey Polyarinov (I sincerely hope there will be an English translation someday. It's an incredible book set in alternate Russia where figures of dead children started appearing in random places 30 years ago. The two main characters go on a roadtrip to study this phenomenon)

Best reread: The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov; W.I.T.C.H. Vol. 1 by Elisabetta Gnone

Most fun book to retell to your bestie: Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix; WereCage by Ian Fortey (it's a book about a guy who got bitten by someone who looked like Nicolas Cage and started turning into a Nic Cage himself + there is a dog who gets turned as well and it's just a tiny naked Nic Cage! Incredible stuff)

Best Charmed tie-in book: Whispers From The Past by Rosalind Noonan; Dark Vengeance by Diana G. Gallagher

Best R.L. Stine (re)read: Sunburn (Fear Street #19)

Best non-fiction: How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis (a really helpful book for neurodivergent people and anyone who struggles with keeping their house clean)

Best novella: The Emperor's Soul by Brandon Sanderson

Best setting: Even Though I Knew the End by C.L. Polk

Best cover: the Russian edition of Among Others by Jo Walton

connecting to others

Ever since the start of the pandemic I’ve pretty much been a hermit. I lost basically all of my IRL social connections. It took a long time for me to start actually minding it, but at some point it caught up with me and I started feeling rather lonely. I’m proud to say that in 2024 I took actual steps to make new connections and even rekindle the old ones!

• I started talking to some of my online friends I hadn’t talked to in a while
• I made a friend at the rock climbing gym (I’d hoped that thrifted shirt would attract fellow queers AND IT DID!)
• I reconnected with an old uni friend (she was the one who messaged me first, actually) and we now send occasional memes to each other
• I met up with a friend of a friend during my summer trip to Moscow, which was lovely
• I started attending acting classes and am friendly with everyone there

I think that’s it for now, but hopefully it’s only the beginning.

this page was made for 32bit Cafe’s New Year 2025 event